Can You Tell Him He Is A Lousy Lay? A quiz

by Christopher Moore

1. It's the third date and you're about to have an intimate moment, but when he drops his shorts you notice he's less blessed than you expected. Do you:

A: Point and laugh.
B: Say, "Wow! A real man at last." Then turn and snicker to yourself.
C: Say, "Is that what they mean by microbiology?"
D: Just go ahead with it. He might be shamed into making a commitment. And what do you care if all your sons are nicknamed Peewee?

2. You decide to do the dread deed, and just as things are starting to get hot he comes, rolls over and asks, "Was it good for you?" You:

A: Say, "God, Yes! That was the best seventeen seconds of my life."
B: Say, "Sure, as good as it gets for me with a man."
C: Put a certs in your navel and say, "That's for you, Mr. Bunnyman. You can have it on your way back up, when the job is finished."
D: Smile and throw his car keys out the window.

3. After fumbling in the dark, he thinks he's found the spot. When you tell him that's not it, he forges ahead anyway. You:

A: Grab the lamp off the nightstand and beat him with it until he gets off you.
B: Grab the lamp off the nightstand and beat him to death with it.
C: Grab the lamp off the nightstand, turn it on, and say, "Would you look where you're at?"
D: Wait patiently until he finishes, wishing the whole time that you had a lamp on your nightstand.